4 Reasons Vulnerability Earns Respect
By: Amy Maricle
When things are not right in a relationship, sometimes saying what you lot feel seems like the worst matter y'all could do. What if someone uses the information against you? While this is an understandable business organisation, I suggest that unless you are dealing with someone who is emotionally or physically dangerous, proverb what you truly feel, need, and desire, could win yous more respect, appreciation, and satisfaction in your relationships.
The Function Bully
Consider the post-obit scenario: Several years ago I was a clinician at a residential treatment center for teens. Every time I interacted with the head residential staff, she talked down to me, belittling my efforts, my caste, and my interventions. She did this regardless of who was present. It was embarrassing and infuriating. I tried to demonstrate that I was a team player who saw her assets, and wanted her input, simply her disrespectful and uncooperative behavior continued. After months of this, I felt resentful, angry, and intimidated in her presence.
Sticking my cervix out
I came beyond a book called, Difficult Conversations, by Stone, Heen, and Patton, which suggested something radical, and I decided to requite information technology a shot. It was i of the scariest things I take ever done. In a completely transparent way, I shared my feelings, fears, and perceptions. I admitted that I felt intimidated and belittled past her. I told her I was scared to talk to her about information technology, but wanted to amend the relationship, and hoped she did too.
She listened, which seemed encouraging, but denied any ill will towards me, or feeling any tension in our relationship, which struck me as untruthful. Given her response, I feared nothing would change, or worse, having made myself vulnerable, that she would use the data to play to my weaknesses. However, after that day, her behavior completely changed. She stopped putting me downward, shared information well-nigh the students, and even began asking for my opinion and help. Nosotros ultimately developed a solid and enjoyable working relationship.
Setting Limits
I felt that I had stood upwards to a bully and triumphed. Information technology was ane of the most empowering experiences of my life. In sharing my feelings and wishes, I ready an expectation for how I would like to be treated, and she respected it.
Why is being vulnerable so constructive?
- Most people answer positively when someone is forthcoming almost their feelings because you can't argue about what someone feels . Imagine this conversation: "I'one thousand upset about what happened." "No you're not, you lot liar!"
- Perceptions of situations vary. While you feel that someone is being hurtful/rude/disrespectful, they may accept a totally dissimilar view of the state of affairs and take no thought that you experience hurt.
- Pent upward feelings can brand us check out, lash out, or run out. You lot risk causing more hurt, confusion, and resentment than if you calmly, compassionately, and clearly say what you feel upfront.
- Stuffing our feelings tin can atomic number 82 to cocky-destructive behaviors. Many of usa try to numb the overwhelming wave of feelings past abusing food, sex, substances, or ourselves.
Can You Be More than Vulnerable?
Call back about a relationship effect that makes you feel the near uncomfortable. Can yous be more than honest about your feelings and needs? Have yous had success being vulnerable in your relationships? Share your successes and struggles with us in the comments!
If you liked this post, you might like this one on the benefits of honesty in relationships and on your self-esteem.
DISCLAIMER: This information is not a substitute for professional psychological communication, diagnosis, or treatment. All content provided by Maricle Counseling and Amy Maricle, LMHC, ATR-BC is intended for full general information purposes simply. Never disregard professional person medical or psychological advice or delay seeking treatment because of something you read here.
*Image credit: maxfx / 123RF Stock Photo
Source: https://mindfulartstudio.com/vulnerability-and-respect/
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